Is it a superstition, habit or obsession? You be the judge. | Eastern North Carolina Now

   As I approached the 50th anniversary of my combat duty in Vietnam, I began to realize that unlike most golden anniversaries that last only a day, this anniversary will last a year. I first noticed this when several of my combat brothers post emails and Facebook post noting particular battles and honoring fallen comrades. There are those who say it is time to move on and put the past to bed. You should not dwell on the past. Well, take my word for it, you are not dwelling on the past, the past is dwelling on you. For years I put off confronting my short year long experience in 1968 saying that I would deal with it on the 50th Anniversary. Well, that plan blew up in my face when I woke up alive on 1 January 2018. For the last five years, I have been sneaking up to this year with various personal articles and remembrances, a few of which have appeared here on BCN. As we approach Memorial Day this year, I hope to at long last to put a final epitaph to the memoir. Weather you call it Deja Vu, flashback, or plain old recollection, I have fought the demons to a draw if not conquered them. I do however have a profound sense of duty to those who are not here to celebrate their 50th. It is somewhat similar to what was depicted in the Film "Saving Private Ryan" where the aging veteran wonders if he "Earned It."

veni, vidi, vici???

---

Why I don't like to say GOODBYE

   I am not normally a superstitious  person, but I must admit to a several habits born of experience that have morphed somewhat into superstition.  One of the oldest and most persistent habits is my dislike of elaborate entrances and exits from normal social situations.  You know, the kind of announcement you make when a comedian or performer is coming on stage before their act and the tradition of a standing ovation after the performance where they are obligated to come back for that one last encore.

   My history on this goes all the way back fifty years from my service in Vietnam.  GI's coming and going from a unit is a daily occurrence.  As a grunt in the field there are numerous reasons for infantry soldiers to return to base camp via the re-supply helicopter.  There may be a problem with their family, they may need to go to the medical center for more than routine treatment, they may have a problem with payroll, etc.  The Army (as do all branches of the military) keeps detailed records of the disposition of every unit. It the Army it is called the Morning Report. For those who fear you are nothing more than a number welcome to a normal day in the military. You can click on the image for a larger view. Unit strength was 172 with 164 Present for this report. The secret was to have your number end up in the Blue Box (intransit outgoing) and not the Red Box (Accountable Losses) In this report you see a gain of 1 and a loss of 2 Circled in RED. Simple math from the Army perspective. For the record the Individual Details are below the blocks with name and disposition, not suitable for display here but devoid of emotion or comment.

The morning report detailed changes in the status of soldiers in the unit on the day the change occurred, including for example, transfers to or from the unit, temporarily assignment elsewhere (TDY), on leave, promotion or demotion, and other such events. Familiar abbreviations such as KIA (killed in action), AWOL (absent without leave), WIA (wounded in action), and MIA (missing in action) were the authorized notations used on the morning report for those statuses.

   Most civilians will relate to this if they ever watched "Cool Hand Luke."  The floor walker announced the status of his barrack-- the headcount:

"Forty-eight. One in the box and one in the bush."

 

   Usually when one or two grunts go back in a chopper it is either good or bad news.  Good when they may be leaving the field back to base camp for some non-emergency reason or bad when they are leaving the field back to the field hospital in a Medivac.  As a result "Long Goodbyes" are not a part of the exit stage left routine.  It is also a superstition that if you say GOODBYE, you may be pronouncing bad luck on them as if you may never see them again. 

  As you approach your DEROS orders (Date Eligible to Return form Overseas) the NCOIC (Non Commissioned Officer in Charge) will send out to the field for you to return to base camp. They normally do this a couple of days before your actual departure date. The Army like all military branches doesn't sugar coat much. Usually you will get the notice with a short "Get your gear and get on the chopper, your going home." There is no time for long GOODBYES and common protocol is not to make a big deal of leaving your comrades by celebrating your upcoming Freedom Bird Ride Home while they are remaining in the hell hole.

   While it may be a far stretch for some civilians, saying GOODBYE has a finality for combat soldiers that most don't want to hear.  As a result, often a simple "see you back in the world" or "see you on down the road," is all that is required. Over a period of time, habits become a part of one's character and occasionally they become an obsessive ritual.  Some families use the shortened "Love You" as a shorthand for Goodbye.  I can accept that without objection. Let's just not draw it out for numerous encores.

   In my case it started out simply enough, I would just excuse myself and leave.  Over a long period of time I began to notice that there were often huggers in the crowd who felt it was necessary to make your departure into a theatrical production.  I never could warm to the Long Goodbye as it always reminded me of the last chopper ride for fallen buddies as if somehow a quick exit would change the reality of the event.  The other thing that stuck in my memory was that inevitable next day notice that someone did not make it after leaving the field.  In my mind, I preferred to remember them in the full of their life rather than the ebbing of darkness overcoming them or just number in the Red box.

It reminds me of Clemenza's comment in The Godfather. "Oh Paulie, you won't see him no more."  

"Forty-eight in the bush, One in the box."

Over the years, this little idiosyncrasy began to take on an obsessive quality.  I suppose that aging includes quite a few more GOODBYES than younger folks endure and that makes each one a bit more permanent.  I wrote an article for Father's Day that touches on this not so original narrative. Here is the link:    "A belated Father's Day Memory"

   I was recently called out by one of the regulars at happy hour for sneaking out without saying GOODBYE.  I could only reply that there was a song about the best way to make an exit.

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

 

    “The French have a phrase for it. The bastards have a phrase for everything and they are always right. -------- To say goodbye is to die a little.”  Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye

So I ask you again. Is it a superstition, habit or obsession? You be the judge!