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As heavy rains began pouring down upon the landscape, sending thousands of people scattering in terror, Noah's wife placed a series of stick figure decals on the back of the ark, according to sources.
Published: Wednesday, October 18th, 2023 @ 12:19 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to Bible scholars, Noah's wife was repeatedly forced to shout at him to stop posing himself atop the prow of the Ark and bellowing, "I'm THE KING OF THE WORLD!"
Published: Thursday, October 12th, 2023 @ 10:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local patriarch Methuselah spent yet another frustrating day threshing his grain after his wife once again brought up a big argument they had 741 years ago, leading the couple into an uncomfortable silence.
Published: Saturday, September 30th, 2023 @ 11:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The detailed prophetic dreams of King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon can likely be attributed to an overindulgence of Funyuns and Mountain Dew Baja Blast just before bedtime, say experts.
Published: Sunday, August 27th, 2023 @ 11:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Newly discovered texts from ancient Mesopotamia revealed a Levitical law that any woman who shops at Target will be deemed ritually unclean for a period of seven days.
Published: Monday, August 7th, 2023 @ 12:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Recently discovered evidence has led biblical scholars to believe Noah made the mistake of washing his ark the day before it began raining. This new understanding has given researchers reason to think the flood itself may have been the result of this rookie mistake.
Published: Sunday, July 16th, 2023 @ 7:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Baal, the ancient Mesopotamian deity described in scripture and demonological textbooks such as Pseudomonarchia Daemonum has distanced itself from Balenciaga after the company's recent scandal.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 12:07 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local patriarch Methuselah has lost all of his wealth after enduring several centuries of writing $5.00 birthday checks to grandchildren. The aged man, who claims to be almost a thousand years old, has since filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy and will have his assets liquidated.
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 9:26 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After Noah’s children whined him into adopting millions of animals on the condition that they would be responsible for the animals, biblical patriarch Noah reports that he is now stuck doing all the work.
Published: Monday, May 30th, 2022 @ 1:17 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After years of hunting and gathering, local tribal chief "Krug" is starting to sense that the constant quest to find food is really messing up his work-life balance.
Published: Saturday, May 28th, 2022 @ 10:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to the town crier, the proud owner of an expensive new sports camel is none other than local hunter/gatherer Methuselah. The local community has reportedly mocked the 484-year-old patriarch for going through a midlife crisis.
Published: Monday, May 16th, 2022 @ 7:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
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What's the matter with kids today? What makes them such noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy loafers? You can talk and talk until your face is blue, but they still just do what they want to do
Published: Monday, April 2nd, 2018 @ 4:20 am
By: John Locke Foundation
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With the FBI's reopening of the Clinton email investigation and the ongoing drama surrounding the marriage of Hillary Clinton's "Girl Friday" and confidante Huma Abedin with disgraced congressman Andrew Weiner, there isn't much else being covered by the news media echo chamber.
Published: Sunday, November 6th, 2016 @ 7:25 am
By: Jim Kouri
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How I do marvel at the credulity of academic man! Especially those professors who publish voluminously but cannot write, who take their Marx with white wine and brie while thousands of adjuncts support their families on French fries and English composition, who preach a tolerance as...
Published: Tuesday, June 4th, 2013 @ 4:50 pm
By: John William Pope Center
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Those who know me know that I am inclined towards spicy food. When at the sub shop, I order the spiciest deli meats and plenty of jalapenos.
Published: Monday, May 7th, 2012 @ 7:39 am
By: John Locke Foundation
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