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Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
 
First official report documenting sexual atrocities committed by Hamas reveals widespread rape, violent attacks directed on sexual organs
First official report documenting sexual atrocities committed by Hamas reveals widespread rape, violent attacks directed on sexual organs
 
SALISBURY, NC — Conservative Republican Bill Graham has launched a new campaign ad that sheds light on Mark Robinson’s recent history of downplaying the Holocaust and agreeing with Nazi conspiracy theories launched by Joseph Goebbels and Adolf Hitler.
SALISBURY, NC — Conservative Republican Bill Graham has launched a new campaign ad that sheds light on Mark Robinson’s recent history of downplaying the Holocaust and agreeing with Nazi conspiracy theories launched by Joseph Goebbels and Adolf Hitler.
 
As the world seems to teeter on the brink of chaos, many wonder how much longer until reality itself unravels before their eyes.
As the world seems to teeter on the brink of chaos, many wonder how much longer until reality itself unravels before their eyes.
 
Just one day after the unprecedented removal of Kevin McCarthy as Speaker of the House of Representatives, tragedy struck on Capitol Hill, as the crew tasked with moving Nancy Pelosi out of her long-occupied "hideaway" office was crushed to death by a sudden avalanche
Just one day after the unprecedented removal of Kevin McCarthy as Speaker of the House of Representatives, tragedy struck on Capitol Hill, as the crew tasked with moving Nancy Pelosi out of her long-occupied "hideaway" office was crushed to death by a sudden avalanche
 
Elon Musk said during an interview this week that the reason that he bought Twitter, which he later renamed X, was because he believed that the platform was being used as an information weapon to spread the woke “mind virus” around the world.
Elon Musk said during an interview this week that the reason that he bought Twitter, which he later renamed X, was because he believed that the platform was being used as an information weapon to spread the woke “mind virus” around the world.
 
At long last, the end of the world is upon us. At any minute the trumpets will sound and we'll be caught up into heaven, leaving only our clothes and jewelry behind-- just like in the theologically accurate international blockbuster film Left Behind.
At long last, the end of the world is upon us. At any minute the trumpets will sound and we'll be caught up into heaven, leaving only our clothes and jewelry behind-- just like in the theologically accurate international blockbuster film Left Behind.
 
Owners of a local resort were left discouraged after John the Apostle left their establishment a decidedly negative 1-star review following his stay.
Owners of a local resort were left discouraged after John the Apostle left their establishment a decidedly negative 1-star review following his stay.
 
We are twenty months away from the 2024 elections and already candidates for governor have declared they are running.
We are twenty months away from the 2024 elections and already candidates for governor have declared they are running.
 
It would appear the end of the world has been postponed long enough for former child environmental star Greta Thunberg to be awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Helsinki.
It would appear the end of the world has been postponed long enough for former child environmental star Greta Thunberg to be awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Helsinki.
 
In a stunning development resulting from the faltering of the United States banking system, banks have now begun calling their customers and asking for loans. According to reports, thousands of desperate bankers have called up lendees to ask for a few bucks.
In a stunning development resulting from the faltering of the United States banking system, banks have now begun calling their customers and asking for loans. According to reports, thousands of desperate bankers have called up lendees to ask for a few bucks.
 
China's Xi Jinping and Russia's Vladimir Putin have held a summit in Moscow, but negotiations have slowed to a standstill.
China's Xi Jinping and Russia's Vladimir Putin have held a summit in Moscow, but negotiations have slowed to a standstill.
 
Thirteen billion people have already died horrible deaths mere hours after former President Donald Trump was reinstated to Twitter.
Thirteen billion people have already died horrible deaths mere hours after former President Donald Trump was reinstated to Twitter.
 
Elon Musk predicted a global recession that could last until 2024.
Elon Musk predicted a global recession that could last until 2024.
 
Future Earth after an alien invasion, and eventually Tom Cruise's character is left to pick up a good many of the broken pieces. Sounds solid enough for a decent film.
Future Earth after an alien invasion, and eventually Tom Cruise's character is left to pick up a good many of the broken pieces. Sounds solid enough for a decent film.
 
Daily Wire Host and best selling author Matt Walsh addressed a crowd of about 400 people at the University of California, Berkeley after airing his acclaimed documentary “What is a Woman?”
Daily Wire Host and best selling author Matt Walsh addressed a crowd of about 400 people at the University of California, Berkeley after airing his acclaimed documentary “What is a Woman?”
 
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
Biden is warning of a coming nuclear apocalypse, but don't worry! A thermonuclear war that wipes out most life on the planet wouldn't be all bad! Let's look at the bright side, shall we?
 
Prominent scientist backs up claim that there is ‘no climate emergency’
Prominent scientist backs up claim that there is ‘no climate emergency’
 
Senator Feinstein pleads with lawmakers not to decommission Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant
 
A group of scientists at Rice University are experimenting with using dead spiders as “necrobotic” gripping claws, and the internet is horrified.
A group of scientists at Rice University are experimenting with using dead spiders as “necrobotic” gripping claws, and the internet is horrified.
 
“Anyone who has an ear should listen to what the Spirit says to the churches” (v. 7).
“Anyone who has an ear should listen to what the Spirit says to the churches” (v. 7).
 
Former Vice President and climate activist Al Gore has had trouble in recent years getting people to listen to his dire warnings about the coming climate apocalypse.
Former Vice President and climate activist Al Gore has had trouble in recent years getting people to listen to his dire warnings about the coming climate apocalypse.
 
Over the last several years, a burgeoning new genre has put the book-watching world on notice. “New Adult,” a coinage first used by St. Martin’s Press in 2009, refers to novels with greater depth than standard YA fare but far less than traditional literary fiction.
Over the last several years, a burgeoning new genre has put the book-watching world on notice. “New Adult,” a coinage first used by St. Martin’s Press in 2009, refers to novels with greater depth than standard YA fare but far less than traditional literary fiction.
 
Alarming rates of depression and anxiety in college students are drawing headlines.
Alarming rates of depression and anxiety in college students are drawing headlines.
 
Researchers at the University of Arkansas have confirmed that the more products people order from conservative podcasts, the more likely they are to make it through the apocalypse.
Researchers at the University of Arkansas have confirmed that the more products people order from conservative podcasts, the more likely they are to make it through the apocalypse.
 
About six months ago, I prepared an article in which I mentioned technocracy, without knowing the full impact of the term.
About six months ago, I prepared an article in which I mentioned technocracy, without knowing the full impact of the term.
 
Don't you think it's time for conservative county government?
Don't you think it's time for conservative county government?
 
Social media users made #BareShelvesBiden trend near the top of Twitter on Sunday as they vented frustration over supply chain issues that continue to impact many U.S. consumers.
Social media users made #BareShelvesBiden trend near the top of Twitter on Sunday as they vented frustration over supply chain issues that continue to impact many U.S. consumers.
 
If you are checking your list twice this week, small businesses across the state are ready for you to stop by.
If you are checking your list twice this week, small businesses across the state are ready for you to stop by.
 
One does not have to be an anti-vaxxer or conspiracy theorist to apply logic to this whole scenario and realize things aren't as they seem.
One does not have to be an anti-vaxxer or conspiracy theorist to apply logic to this whole scenario and realize things aren't as they seem.
 
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