10 Differences Between The Underground Church And The American Church | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Times are tough here in the United States, especially for Christians. From subpar coffee quality and stale breakfast pastries to the worship team's fog machine breaking down and congregants having to park up to 100 feet away from the church building, American churches are facing unprecedented hardships. But how are our Christian brothers and sisters around the world faring?

    The Babylon Bee has conducted an investigation and come up with the following list of differences between the challenges faced by the underground church and the American church:

    American: Complex growth and marketing strategies.

    Underground: Growth strategy is "preach the gospel and try not to die."

    American: Pastor jumps dirt bike over the stage to attract a crowd.

    Underground: Pastor rides dirt bike to escape the Secret Police.

    American: Pastor has thousands of followers on Instagram.

    Underground: Pastor is forced to hide his identity to avoid the gulag.

    American: 8 trained musicians playing over a $12 million sound system.

    Underground: A cappella hymns whispered to avoid detection.

    American: Bummer! Your favorite preacher from the pastoral staff isn't speaking today.

    Underground: Bummer! The only pastor your church has was imprisoned last night.

    American: Greeters stand near the doors.

    Underground: Lookouts posted on the roof.

    American: Pastor hides money in the walls.

    Underground: Pastor hides in the walls.

    American: Search for a new church because the music isn't your style.

    Underground: Search for a new church because yours was burned down by warlords last week.

    American: The authorities have to issue a mandate to stop them from gathering together to worship.

    Underground: The authorities have to kill them to stop them from gathering together to worship.