Sad: Man Unable To Brush Teeth After Failing To Pay Monthly Subscription On Smart Toothbrush | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SANTA MONICA, CA     A local man was tragically rendered unable to brush his teeth after he mistakenly neglected to pay the monthly subscription fee on his smart electric toothbrush.

    "Toothbrush functionality disabled," the toothbrush had chirped loudly after a payment was declined. "Please update your method of payment to continue brushing your teeth."

    "This is awful," said Jake Brown, owner of the toothbrush. "Things have just been so busy with the holidays and everything going on, I forgot to make this month's payment on my subscription for my OraDent Max, and now I haven't been able to brush my teeth for weeks! No one in my family wants to be anywhere near me. This is terrible!"

    Brown had been the envy of many of his family members and friends earlier this year when he became one of the lucky first owners of the OraDent Max smart electric toothbrush, which features full Bluetooth capabilities, iPhone integration, the ability to sync with the user's contacts list and online music library, and more. "It's the future of toothbrushing," said OraDent spokesman Neil Prince. "No one is going to settle for an analog toothbrush anymore when they can have the world at their fingertips with a smart toothbrush. Cutting-edge oral hygiene will only cost you a $9.99 monthly subscription!"

    By failing to keep his subscription paid up, Brown was left without the ability to maintain any level of oral hygiene. "I can't go back to using a regular toothbrush," he said. "What am I, some kind of caveman?"

    At publishing time, Brown was reportedly hoping one of his friends would give him an OraDent Max gift card that would allow him to resume brushing his teeth.