The Bee Has Obtained The Biden-Controlled FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted List | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Under Joe Biden, the FBI is laser-focused on hunting down the most dangerous people in the country, the worst of the worst. And now, they need your help! It is time for every American to do their part and keep a lookout for these horrendous villains, the FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted:

1. The sandbag that almost killed Biden: A Bourne-level assassin, but with no moral code.
2. Teenage girl praying silently outside abortion clinic: Do not approach this dangerous criminal without SWAT team backup.
3. The dad from Bluey: A non-stop fountain of heteronormative hate crimes. Lock him up!
4. The invisible man who goes to all of President Biden's speeches, offers to shake his hand, but quickly pulls his hand away leaving Biden to look like a fool: The guy's like a ghost.
5. Campbell Biology 101 Textbook, 11th Edition: Millions have been assaulted by its basic explanations of sex and gender.
6. Flight of stairs: Has made several attempts on the President's life. Approach with caution.
7. Your grandma: You may think she's sweet, but she's just one Ben Shapiro podcast away from storming the Capitol with crochet needles. Turn her in!
8. Donald J. Trump: Subject to change on the off chance someone else ends up being Biden's election opponent.
9. Mom who asked school board not to give porn to her nine-year-old: The level of barbarism is sickening.
10. Jesus Christ: Rumored to be leader of a dangerous sect known as 'Christians'. Followers say He will return, so keep your eyes peeled!

    You're unlikely to ever encounter a more terrifying group of miscreants in your life. But don't worry, the FBI is on the case to rid the world of these dangerous threats once and for all!