Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
BERKELEY, CA Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary. The arrest came after Patterson yelled 'he's got a gun!' as he dove for cover under a hail of bullets.
"The correct phrase when warning everyone about a non-binary mass shooter is 'THEY'S got a gun,'"
said Berkeley's Chief of Police Katty McBroad, who is trans. "There is no place for misgendering in our society, which makes trans and non-binary people feel extremely unsafe, even while they're heavily armed and mowing down dozens of innocent people."
In a statement released through his lawyer, Patterson claimed he did not intend to misgender the shooter. "I'm sorry!"
he said. "I was really nervous from being shot at and the word 'he' just kind of slipped out! I didn't mean it! They had a beard so I thought they was a guy!"
Patterson is being held on a twenty-four-hour lockdown.
Some critics felt Patterson's treatment was too harsh. "Misgendering should be a $10,000 fine at most,"
said Center for Justice Director Aimee Donaldson. Others, however, feel the arrest was not enough. "He deserves the death penalty without a trial,"
said local ACLU chapter head Tim Simpkins.
The shooter has been released on a $2 million dollar bond pending trial for twelve counts of first-degree murder. Patterson is being held on no bond.
"He's a menace,"
said Alameda County District Attorney Sarah Shavers. "Patterson won't be given a bond until I feel certain that he will not misgender again."