FBI Closely Monitoring Gathering Of Christian Nationalists | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ROANOKE, VA     The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.

    "Looks like the turkey's hit the table, boys," reported Agent Schwartz to the tactical team. "That means the praying will be inbound shortly if I know these sickos like I think I do."

    The FBI has reported a massive increase in Christian Nationalist activity as of late, with many in the Bureau expecting a widespread show of force on Thanksgiving. "The entire Thanksgiving holiday is basically a dog whistle for Christian Nationalists," explained FBI Director Christopher Wray. "Here we have a holiday declared by Abraham Lincoln, one of the most famous Christian Nationalists ever, meant to be entirely dedicated to thanking God for our country and praying God's guidance for her future. If that's not domestic terrorism, I don't know what is."

    After a bit of shuffling, Agent Schwartz reported that the Graham family had, in fact, said a prayer and started eating turkey. "We've got three generations of terrorists present - maybe four, that old terrorist on the walker is moving slow," said Agent Schwartz. "Sure is sad to see the little ones getting indoctrinated like this. Next thing you know, that baby will be storming the Capitol, mark my words."

    At publishing time, Grandma Graham has reportedly gone outside to ask the weirdo with the binoculars if he would like to come in for some pie.

poll#165
In light of continued developments, primarily since 2008, there exists in these United States a Legal System which operates on a proved Two Tiered approach to justice rendered, which primarily benefits Democratic Elites and Woke Ideological Virtue Signalers, representing their co-dependent wards, to the expressed exclusion of normal hardworking American citizens: What is your suggestion in remedying this widespread injustice and, if not corrected, its existential outcome for our Constitutional Republic?
  Complete overhaul of the Department of Justice and their enforcers - the FBI - to reflect a far more honest justice system to keep patriots remaining calm.
  Disband the FBI, and request that congress investigate all unethical and non patriotic practices to partially right the wrongs of a distrusted and politically weaponized "Department of Justice."
  Continue with the current system since the two tiered justice system has been so remarkably beneficial to Democratic Socialist political hegemony; chronic distrust in institutions notwithstanding.
313 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Man With 74 Things To Do Settles For Doing Nothing Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Scholars Believe Overflow Crowd Watched Sermon On The Mount Via Jumbotron


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Leftist media outlet Vox announced layoffs that will impact 7% of employees as other companies in the sector implement similar measures.
The city of Atlanta is entering its second week of violent, fiery riots that have been organized and executed by just an idea.
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) played a role in directing millions of dollars in funds to groups associated with his wife, according to a new report.
Senate Leader Phil Berger, R-Rockingham, today announced his intended committee appointments for the 2023-24 legislative biennium.
Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw championed the use of the U,S. military to combat the drug cartels smuggling deadly fentanyl across the southern border into the United States.
Jewish drag queen and 9/11 survivor Congressman George Santos is celebrating this week, having landed a lucrative endorsement deal with Whoppers Original Malted Milk Balls.
A border sheriff in Texas is requesting other sheriffs across the state and elsewhere to aid him in securing his county against an unprecedented wave of illegal immigration.

HbAD1

NGO was assisting illegal alien migrants reach Greece, 24 of their workers charged with felonies
Country star Ricky Skaggs said concert goers at his shows are more open these days to hearing about the gospel after all “the latest craziness,” “the virus,” and more.
“Will and Grace” star Leslie Jordan’s cause of death has finally been revealed three months after news broke that the actor was found without a pulse inside his crashed car. He was 67.
Local man Gary Marmon climbed to the top of The Forbes 400 after it was revealed he possessed both Taylor Swift tickets and a dozen eggs. Marmon beat out former richest man Elon Musk, who called the newcomer a beacon of inspiration.
The Biden administration on Friday blasted as “incomprehensible” Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s move to block a controversial African American studies course from being taught in the state’s public high schools, even as leaks revealed the course’s syllabus leans into wokeism.
On Wednesday, the North Carolina General Assembly will hold opening ceremonies to kick off the 2023 legislative session. In odd-numbered years, legislators hold a “long session” starting in January.
Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack never attended meetings of the task force he co-chaired to help resolve the nation’s supply chain woes, according to a public records request from the Functional Government Institute.
Like Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon where all the children are above average, it is great to hike with your dog anywhere. If you have a treasured local spot to take your dog on outings you know you live in the best state for hiking with your dog.
Three active-duty Marines face charges for allegedly entering the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.

HbAD2

U.S. farmers who use John Deere equipment won a huge victory on Jan. 8 as the manufacturer gave them the right to fix their own equipment. North Carolina legislators have been waging a similar fight for farmers here.
With Republicans taking over the House, investigations into President Joe Biden’s administration are set to take off — as they should. After all, oversight is one of the key jobs of lawmakers as laid out in the Constitution.
Football legend Deion Sanders laid down some firm behavior standards for his team going into his first season as head coach at the University of Colorado Boulder.
hooray for protecting children, unlike monsters at ECU Health
course had contained everything from "Queer Theory" to socialism
In recognition of Biden's tremendous accomplishment of going one full day without more classified documents found at one of his residences, the White House has proudly hung a banner saying: "1 Day Without Classified Documents Being Discovered At President's House."
The World Economic Forum has finally jumped the shark, presumably while skiing across Al Gore’s “boiling ocean” behind a leaky tub steered by the radical Left’s Captain Queeg.
N.C. Appeals Court Chief Judge Donna Stroud began her new term by emphasizing bringing people together after COVID shutdowns and the recent judicial elections.
A federal judge in Florida has sanctioned former President Donald Trump and one of his attorneys over a lawsuit deemed frivolous against Hillary Clinton and 30 others.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top