Turkey Denied Presidential Pardon After Photos Emerge Of It Attending January 6 | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     In a break from a long-standing tradition, the White House announced that this year's Thanksgiving turkey would not receive a ceremonial pardon from President Joe Biden after it was discovered that the turkey had attended the riot at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.

    "The turkey we had chosen for the occasion has been determined to be completely undeserving of a pardon," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre in a media briefing. "The President was very eager to bestow a pardon, but unfortunately, it came to our attention that this turkey participated in the violent attack on the Capitol that attempted to overthrow the government and destroy democracy itself."

    The turkey has been returned to police custody.

    The Biden administration learned of the scandal after it was presented with photos of the foul fowl wearing a red "Make America Great Again" baseball cap among other Trump supporters and undercover federal agents planted surreptitiously throughout the crowd on the day of the riot. Though other witnesses vehemently argued that the turkey had valiantly attempted to prevent agitators from vandalizing the Capitol and breaching its doors, security camera footage of the MAGA turkey wandering the halls and gobbling in House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's office was considered particularly damning.

    "Listen, these dangerous ultra-MAGA birds are a serious threat to our nation, folks," President Biden said in brief remarks about the situation. "They must be dealt with and put in their rightful place, which is on my dinner table. End of speech. Walk away from podium."

    At publishing time, all requests made to interview the turkey had been denied. It was reported that the bird was placed in solitary confinement at an undisclosed location as it awaited its execution, brining, and deep-frying without due process.

poll#145

After one full year of the Biden /Harris Administration: Does Joe Biden have the intellectual capacity, and, or the energy to lead the United States of America through the mess that he predominately created ... in just one year?

  Yes

  No

  Unsure

1,222 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

845 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?