Absolute Legend Brings Home Pizza For Dinner | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    TWIN FALLS, ID     Local reports indicate that local father Jeffrey Knickerflogg ascended to legendary status Monday evening after he surprised his family by bringing home pizza for dinner.

    Witnesses in the neighborhood claim the squeals of Knickerflogg's children could be heard for several yards. Their cries of joy were a signal to nearby families that a true legend had visited the area.

    "I kept thinking it must be some celebrity," said next-door neighbor Dingy Wellbow. "Maybe Tom Cruise had come to Idaho - I don't know - but it turned out that Jeff had come home with pizza."

    "What an absolute legend," he said, regretting that he had let his wife cook meatloaf that evening.

    According to sources, Knickerflogg's wife bowed before her husband and called him master as he revealed a large pepperoni pizza from Little Caesar's. "Give me food, so I have strength when the wolves come," she cried. "Let me die, not in hunger, but with pizza in my belly!"

    Knickerflogg's father, who had moved in with this family a year ago after being unable to live alone, nodded in a show of respect after seeing his son walk in the front door with a piping hot pizza pie. "That is strength, boy! That is power!" he said. "What is steel compared to the hand that wields pizza?"

    After they had broken bread together, Jeffrey Knickerflogg reclined in his chair and listened to the peace that had settled over his household. "I live, I love, I bring home pizza, and I am content," he said.