Sharpie Scores Huge Endorsement Deal With FBI | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     After a standout performance in the FBI's latest work, Sharpie has landed a huge endorsement deal as the preferred highlighter of America's federal agents.

    "We couldn't do our job protecting America without the incredible permanent markers made by Sharpie," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "From helping us black out coverage of Hunter's laptop, to hiding how we acted as a tool for Democrats to investigate fabricated 'Russian collusion' charges - Sharpie has been there every step of the way."

    Experts now estimate that blacking out words with marker comprises about 87% of what federal agents do. In lieu of practicing for hostage situations, the FBI has agents-in-training sit in small cubicles and practice blacking out words for several hours per day. "Not everyone has what it takes to be a federal agent," said Director Wray. "You have to possess the fortitude to spend hour after hour, days at a time, just blacking out reports. It's mind-numbingly boring. Plus, we really like the lines to be straight. It takes a special talent."

    With the FBI being its biggest customer by far, Sharpie executives said the endorsement deal was a no-brainer. "We can barely keep up production with the pace the Bureau goes through markers these days," said Sharpie CEO Stan Wiggins. "This relationship really solidifies that when the professionals want to cover their tracks, they trust Sharpie. So if people at home find themselves having encouraged a mass shooter and need their name expunged - we hope they will trust Sharpie as well."

    The FBI did admit they are struggling to get agents to remember to stop blacking out everything when they leak classified documents to the New York Times.

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#145

After one full year of the Biden /Harris Administration: Does Joe Biden have the intellectual capacity, and, or the energy to lead the United States of America through the mess that he predominately created ... in just one year?

  Yes

  No

  Unsure

1,222 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?