Democrats Propose $800 Billion 'If You Don't Vote For This You Hate Puppies' Spending Bill | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     Congressional Republicans face a difficult choice this week, as Democrats have introduced a bill to save puppies but attached billions in unrelated spending. Conservatives may propose amendments, but hesitate to oppose the bill since it is named "If You Don't Vote For This You Hate Puppies."

    "Small-government conservatives aren't sure about the $800 billion price tag, but we do want to save puppies - the Democrats really put us in a corner with the bill's name." Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell spoke to members of the press today, confirming he has requested extra time for deliberation so conservatives can figure out how to request adjustments to the bill without the "bad optics" of seeming to oppose saving puppies.

    Critics have decried "pork barrel spending," citing specific earmarks that "seem fishy." These earmarks include $35 billion for funding gender studies programs in Middle Earth, $12 billion for "advancing equity" through mandatory abortions, and $20 billion in aid for developing areas like Haiti, Naboo, and California. The Republicans who have pointed out that these projects seem fake, however, have been criticized as puppy-haters.

    Democrats have since introduced additional spending bills with creative names, including the $1.3 trillion "Why Would You Want Bin Laden To Come Back?" bill and the $2 trillion "Vote Yes Or You Have Children's Blood On Your Hands" bill. As of publishing time, all Republican congresspeople other than Rand Paul have already confirmed their support.

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

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