10 Ways To Survive At A Woke Corporation | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    So, you're working for a woke corporation. Sad! It's a hard life working for "the man," and it's even harder when "the man" is a non-binary pansexual neurodivergent transspecies disabled person who will fire you if you misgender them. How will you ever survive?

    Here are a few great ways to survive working at a woke corporation:

1. Visit the water cooler every twenty minutes to remind people how WOKE you are: "Gee I sure am feeling diverse, equitable, and inclusive today, am I right, fellow SJWs?"
2. Dye your hair and wear flamboyant rainbow colors for camouflage: Practice at home so it looks like you do it all the time.
3. Start telling "that's what HE said" jokes: Equity!
4. When asked to state your pronouns in a meeting, jump out the nearest plate glass window: You may die when you hit the pavement, but your chances are still better than if you fail to declare your pronouns.
5. Every time you walk by a black co-worker's desk, take a knee and raise one fist in the air: This will make your minority coworkers feel SEEN.
6. Be a minority: They can't fire you.
7. Tell a racist joke and if anyone laughs say "HA! I was just testing you!" and then run and tell HR: They'll be fired and you will live to be fired another day.
8. Weep loudly for the dead trees every time you make copies at the copy machine: You'll be an environmental justice hero.
9. Claim you are trans-abled when you get caught using the handicap stall because of how nice and roomy it is: Why should wheelchair guys have all the fun?
10. Call all your Latinx coworkers "unique breakfast burritos": Follow the example of our great First Lady.