Here Are The Denominations Of Each Of The 7 Churches In Revelation | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    While exiled on the island of Patmos, the apostle John experienced a grand vision that would not be fully understood until Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days was published in 1995. But before John describes events that eventually took place in 2012 he relays a message to seven ancient churches that have been lost to history.

    Ever wonder what denomination those churches were? Read on to find out!

    1) Ephesus

    Really good at discerning truth from error but no love - Your annoying Calvinist friends.

    2) Smyrna

    Rich in good works, enduring trials - Definitely not any church in America. Must be the underground Chinese church.

    3) Pergamos

    Tolerates sexual immorality and idols but is still technically Christian - Episcopalians

    4) Thyatira

    Tolerates Jezebel but has a few loyal Christ-followers remaining - Southern Baptists

    5) Sardis

    Technically alive but appear to be dead - Presbyterians

    6) Philadelphia

    Described as having "little strength" but has slow, patient endurance - Those skinny-armed Missouri Lutherans who really need to hit the gym

    7) Laodicea

    Lukewarm, poor, blind, and naked - We're tempted to say this is Joel Osteen's church but honestly, it's all of us. REPENT.