10 Signs You're A Dad | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Life comes at you fast. One day you're kicking back with the boys-playing some Super Smash Bros. (Final Destination/No Items/Fox Only)-and then out of nowhere you meet your wife and become a father! Ever think it might be nice if you could find out if you're a dad before someone starts yelling at you about it?

    Check out these clear identifiers that you are probably a dad:

    1) You're vaguely aware of little people in your house that are probably related to you in some way: They might be kids. Unclear.

    2) You always have a cool pocket knife at the ready in case you need to open any packages that could easily be opened with your hands: Why use hands when knives?

    3) People are complaining that you snore: And you don't believe it.

    4) Your idea of a vacation is sitting in the car alone for 15 minutes or going out to get toilet paper: Better than the Bahamas.

    5) Your jokes absolutely kill: Thousands of deaths.

    6) You own video game systems that you never get to play: And why are the controllers all sticky?

    7) You could swear you got paid last week but there's nothing in your wallet: Possible you were robbed, however.

    8) You say "stop doing that" 117 times a day: Not sure why you're keeping count.

    9) You have absolutely, positively no idea where anything is stored in your house: You have no memory of this place.

    10) You are loved way more than you deserve: And if you didn't before, you probably believe in God.