Button, Button | Eastern North Carolina Now

   Publisher's note: We are most pleased, and quite humbled, to have the opportunity to bring to our readership the often reflective, and always knowledgeable words of Oncologist John Inzerillo, MD.

   This is the eigth installment of a multi-part series, which began on June 2, 2012.

    Button, button who's got the button? This was a simple game we played as children of the sixties. I was just young enough to miss Woodstock, just young enough to miss having a number for the draft for the Vietnam, not quite a war but conflict. For me that was truly a simpler time. Even the meaning of what a button was, at that time, was clearer. We didn't have cell phones where we would push buttons all day to stay connected with friends. Then a button was something that held something together, like your shirt sleeve or it held up your pants. We didn't believe that showing half of you underwear, letting your pants hang half way down your butt, was a fashion statement.

    With time and experience I have learned that the word button can have a deeper meaning than the definitions above. A button can also be an emotional trigger that we unknowingly allow others to push. Unfortunately when this happens we are usually the last one's to notice. So obvious to others when they see it happen, we are the one who ends up angry and confused.
Dr. John considering those buttons that we all must deal with at one point or another: Above.     photo by Stan Deatherage
    I have learned that this is actually a fear response and that sometimes all that it takes to send me reeling back in time is a tone of voice. The button pusher may be saying something totally benign or neutral but I am hearing or telling myself something that ticked me off years ago. Because of a resistance to self examination I have allowed myself to believe something that is untrue and damaging to me. We do find what we are looking for.

    So, what is the first clue that we can tune into to locate these buttons? If you find yourself angry or anxious after talking to someone, or even after hearing something that you were not a part of, this is the time to ask yourself, "Just what is going on here? What past event am I responding to and where is the truth in the matter?" To solve any problem the first thing to do is to acknowledge that there is a problem. Do not tell yourself there is no problem just to feel cool and in control when deep down you know that something is bothering you.

    Usually the real problem is that we are afraid of something, that if it were true, we believe we would not have the inner strength to deal with. Our fear makes the mole hill into a mountain, and the more we think about it the mountain just keeps getting bigger. We respond to the words we tell ourselves no matter what the source. The truth is that we have the power to change what we tell ourselves and we have imaginations big enough to actually remake the past event into a story line that can work out for our good.

    Next time you think about the word button or the next time you go to make a call on your cell or go to text a friend, think to yourself, "What are my buttons connected to, how am I hard wired in that these buttons are directly connected to my deepest emotions, and how can I disconnect, get a busy signal, and make space to examine the reality of the situation. In this way you can take possession of your own buttons and not wonder,"Button, button, who's got the button?"