Talking All The Time | Beaufort County Now

Was there anything to do before the Smartphone was invented? funny, humor, smartphones, exercise
Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)

Talking All The Time

   In a renewed attempt to keep my heart from attacking me, I went back to the high school track a couple of days ago. I have been neglecting my exercise routine for an extended period of time after I came up with several Emergency Excuses. They are classified as Emergency Excuses because, if I had not come up with these Emergency Excuses, my heart might have attacked me.

   I got right back into my 2 Mile Regimen expecting to be greeted by ESPN and interviewed by one of their glib reporters but ESPN was nowhere to be found. It was just me and a very Interesting and Determined Exercising Lady.

    The Exercising Lady was very determined because she did many different forms of exercise and she was there the whole time I was there. She was also interesting because she talked on her cell phone the entire time I was there.

    She was already talking on her phone when I arrived and she was talking on her phone when I crawled back to my car 50 minutes later.

    I found myself fixated on her more than my usual fixation about whether I was going to be able to finish my two-mile trek around the track. Actually, she took my mind off of my usual line of exercising thought...

  • Should I stop now?
  • Maybe that’s enough?
  • Did something just go pop?
  • Why do I do this?


Instead, I thought thoughts such as these...

  • How can she talk that much?
  • Is she going to run out of words and just start making unintelligible utterances?
  • What if she could not make contract with a fellow talker because they were all talking to other fellow talkers? Would she just hold the phone next to her ear out of habit?
  • Was she even aware that the phone was at her ear?
  • Was she aware that she was talking on her phone?
  • How long was she there talking before I got here?
  • Since she was still talking after I left, how long did she stay there talking after I left?
  • Did she talk all the way back to her car?
  • Did she talk during the entire drive back home?
  • Does she ever not talk on her phone?
  • Does she duct tape the phone to her head and talk all through the night as she sleeps?
  • If she sets up a Do Lunch at 3 am for 11:30 am, will she remember that appointment when she wakes up?

   It was almost more exhausting thinking about her Phone Stamina than it was for me to do my two miles.


   The Real Depressing Part...

  • My two-mile routine is made up of alternating every quarter mile between Brisk Walking and Running.
  • Initially, her routine was Exclusively Brisk Walking.
  • While she was doing her Brisk Walking Routine and I was doing my Brisk Walking and Running Routine she was gaining on me!


    The Save My Aging Dignity Part...

    Before she did actually catch up and pass me, she stopped doing her Brisk Walking Routine and started doing In-Place Stretching and Jumping Exercises.

    If she had persisted with her Brisk Walking Routine and had passed me while I was doing my Brisk Walking and Running Routine, my ego might never have recovered.

   As I peck this Foolishness out, I am left grasping at the straw that maybe I was on the verge of getting my Second Wind and she may not have passed me after all...Or would she not have after all?

   Would I kid u?



Back to Top