Why Are You Performing So Poorly? | Eastern North Carolina Now

    There are lots of answers to the question posed by this blog posting. Here are some very logical ones...
    •I don't know what I am doing.
    •I don't care whether I do it right or not.
    •I only have one arm and this is a clapping contest.

    The above list is certainly incomplete but, no matter how hard you tried, you probably never would have thought of this one...     I Am Deliberately Not Performing Well So I Can Charge More For Not Performing Well.
    You are probably thinking that I am making up more silly stuff in my ongoing pursuit of Foolishness ... Or am I?

    Actually you are being silly. Always remember, my Foolishness is based on the facts I run across from observing the silly world in which we live.

    This was published in the Wall Street Journal some time back...     The U.S. Patent And Trademark Office Is Now Going To Charge Inventors Extra For Expedited Service.
    I am now going to think my way through this one. Please follow along with me because this is going to be fun...
    •Fact ... Our Patent Office takes an awful long time to grant patents.
    •Fact ... Our inventors get awful frustrated having to wait that awful long time for approval of their inventions.
    •Fact ... Our Patent Office is now going to reap significant financial rewards as a result of their decades of Bureaucratic Foot Dragging.

    It's as simple as this...     If you want to get your patent approved, we will jump right on your nifty idea, if you pay us to be efficient.
    Our inventors will certainly give in and the increased revenue will soon start rolling into our Federal Treasury. The dramatic inflow of this new revenue will be so immense that the next General Tax Increase will be delayed a whole 27 days.

    The Head Patent Guy has already held a meeting with his crack staff and has used a PowerPoint Presentation to lay out these undeniable facts...
    •Fact ... The Patent Office's long standing inefficiency is about to become a Revenue Enhancement Bonanza which will certainly increase their annual bonus checks.
    •Fact ... If they work together to get even slower, they will be able to ensure a never ending spiral of increased revenues and ever bigger bonuses.
    •Fact ... The first step toward slowing down even more has already been enacted because afternoon naps are now mandatory for all workers.

    Here are more particulars of the plan that is now being called...     If you want something extra from us, you have to give something extra to us.
    The inventors who pay extra will have their inventions pulled ahead of those who do not, or cannot, pay extra. This will increase the pressure on those who do not, or cannot, pay extra to pay extra...
    •This means more people will have to go into our Financial Markets and Loan Sharking Industry for the funds they need to tide themselves over while they wait for their patents to be approved.
    •Many inventors will have to go to these same sources to obtain added funds to pay the extra fees which they hope will expedite the ever-slowing approval process.
    •The Patent Office will also be able to get "contributions" from the Financial and Loan Sharking Industries. These shrewd businessmen will be more than happy to pay the Patent Office for slowing down their giddy up.

    Some are calling this a Bureaucratic Rip Off.

    Others are calling for a Congressional Investigation but Congress is busy working on their own Slowdown Reimbursement Plan.

    Still others are saying, relax, it's the American Way (but it never used to be).

    Would I kid u?
    Smartfella