If Bobby Tony Hits the Powerball Lottery | Eastern North Carolina Now

    The First thing I would do after changing my underwear would be to follow the "Would I kid u? Smartfella's advice".

• Hire a super-competent tax pro.
• Hire a super-competent attorney.
• Hire a super-competent financial adviser.

    Hire all three of the people that advise "The Clinton Foundation". Then I would set up a tax-free foundation; "The Bobby Tony Foundation (TBTF)". Based on the cash option (not annuity option), after all the paperwork and taxes are completed I would make a list of people I want to help out and check it twice, grow a beard, move to @&*!$%&#. I would then hire the remaining ten people on the revised list to be consultants to "The Bobby Tony Foundation".

    Naturally, I would fund "The Bobby Tony Foundation" with just enough money to remove me from the 1% crowd that everyone hates. I would then re-register on BCN as 鲍比·托尼 or Bào bǐ·tuōní. This would insure that I could keep dispensing the sage advice of the grand master as I have in the past.

    If I were a younger man, I would have invested a few million in Wine, Women and Song. After all, I invested quite a bit of my salary in those when I was in my twenties and I must say that I just blew the rest. (Insert cliché stamp here). I would of course donate quite a bit to a suitable charity. (See Above "TBTF") to further the good work that I hold so dear to my heart.

    I may buy the Playboy Mansion, hire a good HAZMAT team to sanitize it and then then donate it to Southern Baptist Convention in hopes they can purge it of all past indiscretions and human excesses before they set up a Great Glass Cathedral to collect more money. There is no truth to the rumor that I would force the Pope to change the altar boys to altar girls dressed in low cur tight clothes with a cute cotton ball on the back. I would not use the cotton ball; I do have some taste after all.

    For the rest of my life I would dedicate myself to proving that hitting the Power Ball would not change me in any way. I would still be the same arrogant, self-centered, know-it-all, smart a$$, narcissistic, caustic, bitter, greedy, hate-filled, old man I have always been.

    There is one thing I might change though. I may convert from being a Conservative to being a Liberal. That would ensure that I could keep the balance of my own money without anyone complaining while I tell other people how to use their money to make the world a better place. I may even set up a private email server in the closet of my new mansion which of course will be appropriately named "Bobby Tony Towers".

Bobby Tony Channels Donald Trump

Approved for posting by Bào bǐ·tuōní