Growing up without a Father - Find a Teacher | Eastern North Carolina Now

    There are many thinks that I can think of that would be almost insurmountable in life, but in my mind, they would mostly be based on a severe medical condition or deformity that cannot be corrected. Without trying to put a priority on the sum of things that can negatively affect a person's opportunities, I would suggest that growing up without a father would be among the top of the list.

    There are many variations to this condition. One is having a father die while you were very young. Another would be a divorce and brought up by a single mother. I am sure that the reader can add numerous other scenarios to this narrative.

    I believe a natural father is abandoning you to be one of the most devastating effects of this condition. Possible even worse would be to never even know who your father was. As the child grows up he must come to grips that the absent father did not just abandon his wife or girlfriend, he abandoned his children.

    Without getting into an esoteric discussion of self-esteem, I suspect that it might be a very difficult to have a sense of worth if no one around you seems to care about you. Overcoming adversity requires a strong ethic and a belief in your inner being. I believe that most of our problems in life are the result of our reaction to the events and not the events themselves.

    One of the tenants of self-help guru's is a positive mental attitude. People can overcome almost any challenge if they believe they have a chance to overcome their circumstances. To put it simply, people do not drown because they fell into the water, they drown because they stayed there (not my original thought).

    So what is the solution? I wish you luck with that, I surely do but I am convinced that the idea of a collective village or a group mentality that is fostered by a government or social movement that attempts to solve all problems with the concept that we are all in the same boat is destructive to the human psychic. As an example, let us just say you went to a doctor and after the exam, he told you had an incurable disease that will kill you. Your estimated life span is within the nebulous medical guess of 30 days.

    I honestly do not know what anyone or I would think about receiving such news, but I have known a few people with that scenario and none of them derived any comfort in knowing that there was a whole population of people in the same condition. Almost all of them turned inward and either began the quest to whip the disease or accept the inevitable results. Almost none of them turned to the government to heal them. The government works too slowly for their timetable. Of course, they may hope for some research grant to find a cure for the disease. But what they need is an immediate solution to their very personal problem.

    I have read that Steve McQueen, the actor, upon learning that he was dying of an incurable disease, turned to a whole series of special diets, quack doctors and alternative cures. It seems in times of severe desperation, there is always a bunch of scam artist around to offer their solution. It usually comes with a bill.

    I you will bear with me on this convoluted trail, let us assume that you are diagnosed with the condition of a being a fatherless child. It is not terminal, life is but this condition is not. What is the best solution to this condition? I would suggest that there are bunch of scam artist around offering a solution to your problem. One of those would be a government trying to convince you that it's not your fault and offering to take care of your burden.

    I had a wise man tell me once when I was attending a self-pity party about something I cannot remember now. "When you look in the mirror and shave in the morning, you are looking at the solution to your problem". I will admit it is simplistic and corny but it may be that the solution lies within and not with some government program.

    If you review the title of this post and the above text, you will see that I have offered no solutions here. I only have more questions but I do know that to solve almost any problem you must clearly define it before undertaking a solution. Back in the old days, the pioneers heading west wandered away from the rising sun and toward the setting sun. They had no idea where they were going but they did know what they were leaving.

    The next set of pioneers did the same but they may have been able to follow a trail left by the first group. Eventually someone thought it would be a good idea to make a sketch showing where the trail led.

    Today, we just punch in an address and trust that Samantha will take us there. As a man, I can attest to the fact that following a woman named Samantha might get you to a well know location but it won't get you to that newly built pot of goal that has not been updated yet. Since men tend to wander around rather than stop and ask someone where we are, we may never find the pot of gold.

    What the hell has all this to do with growing up without a father? ( I know, you asked that question about six or seven paragraphs ago if you are still reading). My point is that others have been there, many have found the path, and some are willing to tell you how to get there if you will only ask for directions. But without a doubt in my mind, I believe that having someone telling you over and over again that you were born without a father is not a solution.

    Look for that surrogate father, uncle, friend or teacher who can help point the way toward the pot of gold. One thing is that you cannot complain about the water being deep, you do not have time to drain the pool; you have to learn to swim.

How about some of you telling us about that special TEACHER in your life.

    Publisher's note: Join Bobby Tony and others so inspired to discuss the "Teachers We Remember", a new, ongoing, and fully participatory series here on BCN.
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